I found myself lost.
Unable to find home.
A warm safe place that lived in the depths of her gaze
with walls that echo her unforgettable scent.
It haunts me, her scent.
It seems she left it behind just to taunt me.
A strategic dab of incredible on everything
I own so that even when I strip to my bare skin,
I can still smell her…
on my sheets, and the blankets that cover me.
Steering emotions that swallow me.
At glimpses of a hollow me.
A hollow caucus
Empty
Numb
Alone
All that we stood for, gone.
Packed neatly in a portable suitcase of insignificance,
didn’t think it would fit but she made sure that it did.
She always was a good packer.
I was woken from a peaceful sleep by the loud shatter of heartbreak.
The day my love released her gentle grip of my heart to the mercy of gravity.
Look closely.
What you see in my eyes is not regret.
It is a prayer for times tapestry
to unweave the threads of the love and promises unmade that day.
Yearning for my missing link.
Reduced to faint breathing and hearts bleeding…
the aftermath of love’s leaving.
The truth of what was once our beautiful story
with a happily ever after moulded with our bare hands
to the shape of words.
The same words that still linger in thoughts of she.
© Nthabiseng Mokoena
2014
About the author
Nthabiseng Mokoena is a 30-year-old artistic visionary of South African descent born and brewed in Umlazi (a township in Durban, Kwazulu-Natal).
Although currently practicing as a Technologist in the field of Architecture (which she strongly believes to be an art form in it’s own right). Nthabiseng expresses herself through poetry (amongst other art mediums) and although new to the scene, she has a strong interest in linking the artistic members of the LGBT community in and around the Durban area in hopes of creating an expressive platform to raise awareness of everyday issues within this community through art. This she hopes to achieve via the Soulful Percussions Sessions which she, along with a fellow friend and artist, host in the Durban area. Soulful Percussions has been in existence since 2012 and has produced a series of shows that incorporate, live music, poetry performances, contemporary dance and art exhibitions and was proud to be part of the program for the Durban Pride week in 2013.
When not busy with Soulful Percussions, Nthabiseng runs a charity organisation called Helping Hands which is aimed at broadening the horizons for disadvantaged children by empowering them to see beyond their circumstances.
